A little known fact to impress your friends – The longest place name in the world is……… Bangkok.

‘Rubbish!’ I hear you proclaim, but the real name of the ‘Big Mango’, is:

Krung Thep Mahanakhon Amon Rattanakosin Mahinthara Yuthaya Mahadilok Phop Noppharat Ratchathani Burirom Udomratchaniwet Mahasathan Amon Phiman Awatan Sathit Sakkathattiya Witsanukam Prasit. Roughly translated, it reads:

The city of angels, the great city, the eternal jewel city, the impregnable city of God Indra, the grand capital of the world endowed with nine precious gems, the happy city, abounding in an enormous Royal Palace that resembles the heavenly abode where reigns the reincarnated god, a city given by Indra and built by Vishnukarma.

With a name like that, you could be forgiven for believing that Bangkok is the nearest thing to Nirvana on Earth and in so many ways it is a really great city to visit. But as we all know, every silver lining has it’s fair share of cloud and the City of Angels has a few demons lurking around that the unsuspecting traveller should be aware of. Here are my tips for making sure the only sour taste you experience is the Tom Yam soup!

1. There is no such thing as a friendly stranger.

Repeat this sentence many times! Thais are undoubtedly one of the friendliest, kind hearted peoples around. The world famous smile is one of the things which makes a trip to Thailand so magical, and often the most enduring memories of Thailand are of the interactions with the people. That being said though, Thai people are also naturally quite shy and wouldn’t dream of ‘disturbing’ someone going about their own business.

The classic scam here is that a random, oh-so-friendly and charming man (or woman) will find some reason to ‘randomly’ start a conversation in the street. Sometimes they will be standing in your way, and then apologise profusely and start up a conversation with a line like ‘How long have been in Bangkok?’. Another one which almost everyone falls for at least once is that they will be standing outside one of the major tourist attractions. They will be so helpful in telling you that the Grand Palace, or wherever you’re headed, is closed today, or that you’re not appropriately dressed for the temple you’re visiting and won’t be allowed in. Having broken the ice they will then helpfully inform you that they know of another place where you can go. They will often even offer to take you there personally in a Tuk Tuk. The reality is that these people are all con men. They will take you to a tailor’s shop or gem shop owned by their ‘brother’ and pressure you as your new best friend whose ‘gone out of his way to help you’ into buying overpriced and poor quality suits or gemstones. Ignore everyone who approaches you randomly in street – No exceptions.

2. Tuk Tuks are for fun, not transportation.

Riding in one of these colourful, three wheeled mirth mobiles is something everyone should experience. The noise, the rush of wind, and the fact that you can take short-cuts like those of a mini in The Italian Job makes you feel mischievous to the max, so we can perhaps forgive the drivers for being more than a bit off straight and narrow. With a wink and a smile, they will take you in precisely the opposite direction to where you want to go, usually to somewhere ‘much better’ like a tailor’s shop or a gem shop (you can see the theme here).

A lot of the time the Tuk Tuk drivers get petrol coupons from the shop owners for delivering customers, so they are quite happy if you go into the shop, show a bit of interest in the goods and then politely leave. Some people have had great days touring the city for free like this, but you need to exercise caution that you don’t end up being pressured into buying something. If you want to actually go somewhere, use a Taxi, skytrain or river boat.

3. Taxis are required by law to use the metre.

Any taxi that refuses to use the metre is over-charging you, fact, and I would recommend that you get out and find another one. It is often difficult to find a reputable driver near the more major tourist attractions, but it’s always worth walking for 5 minutes and then flagging one down on the road. Carry a map with you which has both Thai and English place names as most taxi drivers will not know English, and the pronunciation of Thai words is so far away from the way they are written in English that they are unlikely to understand you anyway. An example is Victory Monument, one of the major transport hubs of Bangkok. The majority of Thais won’t have a clue if you start asking them where ‘Victory Monument’ is as in Thai they call it ‘Anusawari Chai Samoraphum’.

4. Smile, and slow down.

Thai people are always laughing and smiling. That’s not to say that they’re always happy and relaxed, just always laughing and smiling. Confused? Thais have an angry smile, an upset smile, a polite smile, an embarrassed smile, a nervous smile, an unscrupulous smile and many more. They are almost all accompanied with a type of laugh also.

Time is also not such a big deal in Thailand, and the notion of doing something urgently, or in a hurry just doesn’t exist. This is one of things that makes it such a good place for a holiday, but on occasions it can be infuriating for the uninitiated westerner trying to sort out a problem. If you get visibly irate and start making demands you’ll likely be met with smiles and laughter all round and nothing will get solved. Complain with a laugh and a smile and watch everyone go out of their way to fix it as soon as they can.

5. Prices – negotiate!

With the exception of food, all prices in a market can be haggled over. Before you attempt this, reread the previous section about smiling and laughing. One of the biggest mistakes I see tourists make when bartering is to appear offended or disappointed with a price offered. Shopping is a social pastime and haggling over the price is supposed to be a fun part of it. The best way to do this is to imagine you’re haggling with your best mate instead of a shopkeeper who you’ve never met and who might be trying to rip you off. Plenty of laughing, smiling, jokey compliments to the seller, and whiny pleading usually get the best price. Learn a few choice phrases in Thai to make the vendor laugh and you’ll be well on your way to a suitcase full of bargains!

Bangkok is an excellent place to visit as a tourist and it really does deserve it’s name, the City of Angels. It’s not perfect though, and almost everyone gets had at least once on any visit; I still have the overpriced suit and cheap gemstones to prove it.  I often fondly reminisce about my first trip to Bangkok and laugh and smile about my naive experiences. I’ll leave you to guess what type of a smile and laugh it is!

Any other tips, please let us know in the comments.

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